NYSC PART 2: My place of primary assignment.

Hey guys!

Following my previous post, (Memorable moments of NYSC), one of the things I dreaded the most about NYSC asides the inevitable struggles and hustles involved in the entire process, was, having to find myself somewhere in a school setting, standing somewhere between a white or black board and a number of students/pupils, speaking or writing any form or type of language or solving any type of problems whatsoever.
Now, most people who know me would know that I have a passion for kids. I love kids, I love spending time with them, learning from them, watching them learn and watching them grow but thats about where that love ends. It does not extend to teaching in any way.
While at camp, I heard rumours that all corpers were mandated to teach except those who studied law or medicine and those who had the means (connects) of working out their postings to their desired PPA's. The Idea of school startled me as I fore saw karma coming for me. It all came as a flash before my eyes how we treated corpers back at secondary school, how we never took them seriously, constantly made fun of them and literally kept a book specially for noting down their grammatical errors. Most times, they would try to be nice and we'll take advantage and when they decided to be mean,  we ended up disliking them and making their stay gloomy. I knew I couldn't deal with that and since I studied biomed, I decided to work my way to a clinic, not just any clinic, but the National Assembly Clinic Abuja.

After I received my posting letter, I made plans and prepared my bank account for some 60-80K monthly salary plus little allowances and my standard 20k allowee summing up to about 80-90K per month. I had even strategised my monthly budgets and made a list of things I wanted to order by the end of the month. We were about 8 corpers posted there and we were given a date to hand in our letters. On getting there, it turned out they weren't even paying corpers. How on earth can a whole national assembly not pay corpers?? That must be a big joke!!. Sadly, it wasn't. We were encouraged to work regardless, and somehow, ''God will provide''. Indeed!!. 2 corp members left instantly and 5 decided to stay in hopes that they would change their minds. I didn't even have to struggle for my rejection. I was kindly rejected and I gladly took my rejection letter and ended up being reposted to a school (you know what they say about running away from your fears, you end up facing them sooner or later). Luckily for me, it was an American school meaning that it would be a total different environment for me.

Even though it wasn't a challenging environment with much experience, I felt very useful and also learned quite a lot especially from the kids. I worked at different departments ranging from the clinic to the science lab then the library to the reception and finally to the elementary school. I enjoyed all departments, but ironically, my best was having to teach as an assistant at the elementary school. 

Being an assistant teacher to the grade 1 kids was literally my best moments at my PPA. It reminded me how wonderful it felt being a child, how adventure was our only calling, how courage seemed never ending and how life seemed much more beautiful to us. What I didn't expect was that the kids I watched, taught me important things about life just as I was trying to teach them how to tie their shoes and read a book.

 Here are a few things I learned from the kids:

• EVERY DAY IS A NEW BEGINNING 

It always felt alluring watching the kids after every school day because to them, it felt so over, so final and so finished. The breaks between school terms felt like a lifetime to them because when you are young, every day feels like an afterlife and a new day means a new beginning, new friends, new opportunities, new lessons, new adventures, new life. Kids don't carry baggages from the previous day to the next. The always have a new beginning.

• ITS OKAY TO CRY

Kids are great at letting out those streams of tears. I had a couple of kids who always came to complain about being mistreated by their friends and how hurt they felt. I noticed that the kids were usually good at expressing their emotions especially if they were confused, hurt or scared and didn't know what to do. kids don't know if emotions are bad or if there are some that are worse than others, they just feel what they want to feel without reticence. And the best way to sort through any emotion is to accept it, feel it and let it before you shove it away.

• BE COURAGEOUS 

This is another great lesson I learned. Have you ever been late for something and a kid walks up to you and demands a reason as to why you were late, then eventually says ''you will be sorry if you show up late again''? well, those were the exact words I was told and that is what I would normally refer to as ''One with much guts'' I wish a little spanking was allowed lol. Kids feel limitless because they are not restrained by their fears of failure or humiliation. They match forward with so much courage, faith, hope and determination because they don't know any better. They embrace life and all it has to offer with open arms.

• BE ACTIVE.

"Play energizes and enlivens us. It eases our burdens. It renews our natural sense of optimism and opens us up to new possibilities." - Stuart Brown.

One thing my kids never joked with, was their play time. Recess was the highlight of every school day for them. They would run and chase their friends until they were out of breath and until their cheeks grew rosy.They would jump and do the monkey bars and they never thought of it as ''a daily fitness'' or ''an exercise'' it was just playing and it was fun!!.

• CHERISH FRIENDSHIPS.

Kids enjoy making new friends and they find joy in keeping them. They love going everywhere together, having the same things, having sleep overs, sharing secrets, sharing snacks, sharing money, sharing ideas and everything. They believe that the more the merrier and everyone is happy.

• NOTICE THE LITTLE THINGS.

"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things." - Robert Brault.

My kids loved watching crawling creatures and beautiful butterflies fly around.  They notice their beautiful wings and how they fly. Simple things we take for granted, brings them boundless joy and deep inspirations. We fail to notice the tiny miracles and blessings that happen to us daily. Imagine how life would be much more beautiful if we notice and appreciate those tiny little blessings.

I loved and enjoyed my place of primary assignment and I was glad I was posted there. I would really miss the lovely and amazing staff I worked with especially the secretary Henrietta who always supported and corrected me each time I made mistakes and was literally like a friend I had known for long and also the lab scientist Mr Emanuel who was like a father, a mentor and an advisor to me. I would miss the delectable meals I always had for lunch, the unlimited internet access, the inter-cultural activities, the informal dress codes, the beautiful and calm environment and above all, My kids!!!..

Overall, Working in a school wasn't bad afterall. :-)

THE BEAUTY OF ALONE-NESS!!!

Happy Sunday guys!!

I think Sundays are just my favorite days for blogging. Asides Sundays being very calm, quiet, peaceful and very relaxing, they are the only days that I tend to really think and reflect on a lot of things. They are mostly my days of 'aloneness' which is actually what this post is all about.

ALONE-NESS.

The act of spending time just appreciating you.

It is true that ''It is not good for man to be alone''. However, many have misunderstood and taken this the wrong way in the sense that they have confused the term 'Aloneness' with 'Loneliness'.

Aloneness is the everest of meditation, the highest sunlit peak that goes on growing, spreading and seems as if the whole universe is full of joy and fragrance. Aloneness is presence, fullness, aliveness, joy of being, overflowing love, completeness, nobody is needed, you are enough. Loneliness on the other hand is a black hole, a darkness, a frightening negative state almost like death, a lack, a feeling that something is missing, a pain, a depression, a need, an incompleteness and an absence.

 

Probably just about all of us have that fear of being alone to some extent. We fear taking on life without help, we fear having to stand alone, making our own decisions, taking our own steps, making our own mistakes, learning from them and correcting them, traveling alone, having no one to talk to and many others. Well this is the course of our agony.

Most times, we would socialize endlessly on all social networks/media to avoid being alone, we would end up with people who really aren't good enough for us just so we have that 'wall' we can rely on, cling to, hide our fears and insecurities and eventually fall back on when we get tossed by life. We will also shop the world and eat a lot of junks because these are probably the replacements for love. But there is this thing about aloneness that empowers you and that is where the beauty lies.

We tend to view aloneness as scary and depressing but it can be seen as liberating, being free, an opportunity for growth and an opportunity to get to know more about yourself. What are the thoughts that go through your mind when you are alone? Pity?, depression?, comparisons?, regrets?, anger? hatred? wanting to please? cant go on?, cant let go?. Its time to change those thoughts to who am I? what is my purpose? what am I capable of? what are my priorities? can I fulfill my purpose? can I accept myself when I look closely at me? can I see the beauty and gifts within me? can I learn something from my experience?, can I love myself?. These are things to celebrate and not to fear.

Aloneness can be scary but joyful, it helps you to be independent. For example:

If you don't know how to mange money or manage your life, you start with a little amount, prioritize and save, teach your self life and money management skills and little by little, you grow to become self sufficient which is way better than having to rely on someone else. If you can be self sufficient, then relying on someone else is only an act of strength not of weakness.  

If you don't know how to protect yourself, learn to be aware of your environment, learn to avoid bad situations, learn how to say no, learn how to get away, learn how to defend yourself you'll d feel more confident in doing so.

If you don't know how to travel alone, start one day, get lost and find your way back, learn to use visual land marks and Google maps and ask for directions. Learn to be okay exploring on your own.

Aloneness also helps to be independent in terms of relationships. For example:

If you aren't okay or happy with being alone, then you certainly wouldn't be okay or happy being in a relationship because you become really dependent needing the other person almost every single time not only to help manage your life or pay your bills, or provide for and protect you, but also for your emotional needs and support. There is no disputing the fact that all of these are nice, but needing too much from someone automatically makes you a needy and desperate person and these aren't attractive qualities. Confidence is attractive, self sufficiency and strength brings respect. So, learn to be okay with being alone just as you are, learn the act of meditation/reflection, have some quiet time, feel that inner peace, get to know your self even more, explore you mind your would be amazed what you can find. Do the things that make you happy, do the little things that don't cost much: read a book, take a walk, play some music, write some nice poems, sketch and most of, BLOG!!!! wink*.

Enjoy your week.

MY NEW TAG!!!

Hello people,

Its been 3 weeks since I officially started learning to drive, and as I drove out this morning, I got called quite a few number of names, even though I still maintained my manners by ignoring them all.
Some people called me a learner (which of course, with no doubt, I am), some made jest of me, some called me crazy, some, stupid! some, senseless! and many other names.
As I drove on still, I taught of the tags I had picked up through the years and how I have worn some proudly; like ''The world's best daughter'', 'The world's most amazing sister'', ''Queen of Ethiopia'', ''Favorite staff of the term'', ''The homemaker'', 'The peacemaker'', ''The caregiver'', ''The friend'' and many more. while others not so proud of, ''The naïve one'', ''The failure'', ''The depressed'', ''The invincible'', ''The bitch'', ''The low class'', ''The low life'', ''The NFA'' (No future ambition) and may more.
I am sure most of us have had different tags like mine, some of which we fix to ourselves and others been pinned on us by the ones we love, or the ones we work with, or the ones who ''think'' they know us or maybe don't know us at all. We don't like these tags but yet, we wear them still.
I remember back when I was a child, I always complained about my head shape in fact, I had major insecurity issues because of that. I felt I was so flat headed that the wall was probably jealous of me. My brothers didn't even help matters as they constantly kept teasing me until I eventually gave my self the name tag ''The flat headed girl''.
As I grew older, I began envying my friends Sharon and Suzzy who could make different hairstyles as they had good head shapes while I kept sticking to my particular favorite hairstyle (Full weave all back).
Most times, I would have a lot of friends asking why I always wear the same look all the time and I would find myself saying things like 'cause I'm flat headed' or 'cause I don't like the shape of my head'. As time went on, and as the Brazilian hair evolved (please don't roll your eyes), I began to see the beauty in the way people looked as they tried different things like dying, curling, straightening and how it gave them different looks. Not that I was influenced or wanted to look like them, I just wanted to see a different side of me, I wanted to know how it would be like to make a change and have a different look. I figured I wouldn't get such if I kept being scared of trying something new. So, I began making conscious efforts to get rid of that tag by accepting and loving myself just the way God made me and also making the best out of what I was made to look like. With the feeling of relief and confidence I gained, I was able to start trying new things ranging from short hair, to long hair, to curly, to straight weaves and to braids.
Same thing applies to other aspects of our lives. We each have the power to choose the tags we want to be known by. Many people like to give different opinions about us, they like to comment and criticize everything we do while being imperfect in themselves. Don't let someone else's opinion be your identity, don't let someone else define who you are. We don't have to be known by our birthdates or become the sum of our mistakes, missteps and bad choices.
Lets take some time to examine the tags that have been assigned to us and start ripping the ones we no longer wish to wear. Some may come off easily, while others may take some time or live a little residue that needs to be scraped off with some little effort and time. What ever the tag may be, ''The Looser'', ''The Obese'', 'The wretched'', ''The slot'', "The Hypocrite", ''The betrayer'', we are free to either accept them or reject them for in the end, all that really matters is how you look before the King, Your father and Almighty God. I don't know about you, but I am a QUEEN an asset to a KING. ;-)

Have a blessed week.

THE PREVALENCE OF AFRICAN TIME MENTALITY!!!

Hey Guys!!

I guess we’ve all noticed a problem that has plagued Africans for many years and has been a cause for concern. Have you ever organized an event and you invite people then they show up when everyone else is living? Well your certainly not the first and probably won’t be the last. This is a typical African trade mark called African timing.

It is now a common tradition that if you organize a social event and you invite people (Africans especially), they show up 3 hours after the start time of the event asking questions like “why are you living so early, Is the food still remaining” then they head straight down to the food section expecting to see a large portion of food and drinks waiting attractively for them, feeling bad when there’s none and eventually showcasing their nice outfits to the few people left so that it doesn’t totally go to waste. Do I hear a guilty chuckle? Are you one of those that fall into the 97% of this category? Truth is, we are all guilty of it in some way, I for one have been a true Nigerian in this sense. But the question is this: What is it about time that we Africans don’t get?

I was to attend a birthday party at 5pm last two weeks with my friend Tammy who lives about 15 minutes away from me and was mobile. With the normal African mentality that “everyone will be late for a naija event”, I was ready at about 5.45 thinking I would have been out of mine at about 6.00-6.15 ish to arrive at 6.30 or 6.45. I then called my friend to let her know I was ready. I asked her where she was and she told me she had just left her house..Yh!! we all know what it means when they say “I just left my house".

 I estimated her time of arrival to be 6.00 or 6.10 max since she was just 15 minutes away from me. At 6.05 I called her and she said “am on my way”, I presumed she was close to mine since she left at about 5.45 (deducting 5-7 minutes for traffic or any other possible obstacles). At 6.15 I called her again, this time, I asked, where exactly are you!!. Then she said “you’ll see me soon” mahn are you a ghost that I haven’t seen you yet!!. That was how miss “you’ll see me soon” eventually showed up at mine at 7.05pm. Thinking we would have been really late for the party, it turned out that it hadn’t even started yet.

The party didn’t start till about an hour later.

Some questions we may want to ask are:  Are we actually born with the culture of African time? Is it genetic or is it that we begin to pick it up with time? Do we get to a certain age where we have to imbibe the culture of African time or do we just conform to the majority not that we actually want to imbibe it?

Let’s take a look at the standard African time mentality which is very typical of most Africans (Nigerians especially).

THE STANDARD AFRICAN TIME MENTALITY.

 EVENT ORGANISERS:

We want the event to start off at 6pm 'prompt' so we have to put 5pm(AF time) on the fliers.

GUEST:

An event for 5pm?? Oh common!! That’s too early now!. I’ll try and be there for 6pm though.(AF time).   

AT 6PM  

GUEST: That’s true!! Let me call Dave.

Hey Dave, u going for the event? What time are u gon be there? Ok he’s gon be there for 7 ish, Ama be there for 8 then. Can’t be the first to show up. I’ll go shower at 7.

AT 7PM 

GUEST: I need to get a quick haircut,what shirt and shoes am I going to wear!! Where the hell did Ubong take the car to? Now am gona be late!. 

AT 8.15PM 

GUEST: Out of the shower, Now where’s that mad outfit! I need to call Tobi (one of the organizers) to find out how many people are there already.

Hey Tobz are people there yet? Oh people just started coming, ama live at 8.45 then  

AT 9PM 

Yeah, this is it! Time to make that grand entrance.

OMG!! The event hasn’t even started yet. I should have come at 10!! :-(

 

 Not only has the African time been widely accepted, it is also perceived as “cool” to walk into an event about an hour or two late as it conveys some aura of importance, sending a subtle message to the early arrivers that our lives are probably busier and there for, more important than theirs.

As my thoughts depended on the "African time mentality", I realized that as cool as the African time culture may seem, it has really affected us negatively in some ways. Let’s think about it for a second:

When was the last time we made it to work just in time

When was the last time we watched the bride and groom walk down the aisle

When was the last time we made it to the airport in time and dint miss our flight.

When was the last time we saw the beginning of a movie at the movies.

When was the last time we got to church before the bible study, praise and worship.

This practice has eaten deep into our ways that we do not have a sense of urgency to anything what so ever (unless of course it involves money). We stall in almost everything we do and because of this, little or nothing is achieved in the best possible time. Ill managed time allows opportunities to pass us by and hence, we spend more time, energy and resources doing the things that should have taken less.

Dear Africans, Its time we begin to imbibe the new habit of keeping to time. Maybe that job would have been yours if you made it to the interview in time, Maybe you would have saved some money if you didn’t miss your first flight, maybe you may have been the best staff at work if u made it 30 minutes earlier than the less competent staff it was awarded to, maybe you would have been blessed by a messenger or a message if you made it to church in time. Maybe we can all make life easier for us and for everyone around us if we do the right things at the right time and save other peoples time by keeping to time. 

Let's try to be punctual to the places we go for the rest of the week. Enjoy the rest of the week!!. :-)