We often expect a lot of things from people, our jobs, families, friendships, relationships, marriages and much more. We expect people to like us, love us, to suddenly change, to know what we are thinking, to fit our ideas to who they are, to agree with us and to go on and on reading this post lol. Our expectations get so high such that, when we set out on a path, we always have a fairly clear idea of what we hope to find. Women are generally seeking their Soul Mates, and men looking for Power. Neither party is really interested in learning. They simply want to reach that which they have set as their goal. This is not to say that being expectant is wrong. As a matter of fact, an attitude of 'positive expectation' is a mark of a superior personality. However, there are certain problems that come with being too expectant or rather, expecting too much, especially from people.
Now let's do this in numbers shall we?
1) Disappointment
One major fact about being too expectant is the susceptibility to disappointments. As an optimist, I tend to hope for the best in all situations. It doesn't always work out the way I want. But having had my share of disappointments, I've become more aware of my expectations and learned how to hold them in check. The less disappointment we face, the happier we are. The more disappointment we face, the more stressed and frustrated we become. So instead of curling up into a fetal position and giving up, there is a better solution: becoming aware of, and modifying your expectations.
2) Vulnerability
Being too expectant can sometimes seem like being too needy. And whilst we were taught that being vulnerable can sometimes be good, being too needy can live you being tossed around with, in the sense that the true vulnerability comes in being courageous enough to make your want or need known, knowing that the person you’re sharing with might choose not to meet your needs or expectations because it comes into conflict with their;s. Expecting less from people would help soothe you, so you’re not making your happiness dependent upon someone else's.
3) Insecurity
Insecurity is also a product of too much expectations, especially in relationships. Conventional notions of what it means to love, are populated with expectations for reciprocity that often get us into trouble. We want the people we love to reciprocate our love. We expect them to. And when this doesn't happen, a lot of things end up going through our minds which eventually leaves us feeling insecure. We forget that Love isn't constructive but expansive, hence, we get into relationships with typical expectations for attention, time, comfort, and affection—in other words, an agenda.
Not saying there's anything wrong with wanting to be loved but the desire to be loved, to the extent that it is fueled by any underlying agendas can be very problematic. For it often turns a relationship into some version of, “I’ll scratch your back, if you’ll scratch mine.” And love isn’t contractual.
4) Self judgment
We often judge ourselves when we have very high expectations of our lives and future, and then when things don't go according to plans, we end up blaming ourselves, getting depressed and loosing confidence in ourselves. Rather than having high expectations, its better we hope for the best and plan for the worst. We just have to go with the flow.
5) Being a burden
You make yourself a burden when you expect too much. People usually don't like it when you have high expectations of them because just like yourself, everyone else is human and are bound to have their own believes and make their own mistakes. Expectations can sometimes seem like demands and people don't like to be demanded from all the time. Reducing your expectations would definitely make your life easier and increase happiness. You don't have to make your success or happiness dependent on others because as humans, we are all bound to fail in one way or the other.
So that's it!. Now your turn. what problems come with high expectations?
These are some valid points Sophie.. I think expectations of what we want and what we get us the hardest one to accept but needed to grow.
ReplyDeleteWhen I lost my best friend because he started a relationship with an insecure and jealous woman... I fell completely apart... I expected to always remain friends with him when that was just my expectation that I almost let destroy me... because of her...
I now realize this past year that the loss of our friendship is more his loss than mine...
I concor launna..what we expect most times isn't what we always get in return and that can really affect us negatively or hurt deeply which is why we should expect less especially from people..xx
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